{"id":14761,"date":"2018-05-15T09:00:37","date_gmt":"2018-05-15T13:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/museumhack.com\/?p=14761"},"modified":"2022-11-20T00:31:46","modified_gmt":"2022-11-20T05:31:46","slug":"norse-burials","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/museumhack.com\/norse-burials\/","title":{"rendered":"Five Things About Norse Burials that Aren\u2019t Pop-Culture Friendly"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m sure you\u2019re familiar with the old \u201cviking funeral and norse burial<\/strong>\u201d stereotype: throw a dead guy in a boat, stuff a weapon in his hands, then peg the ship with a fiery arrow as it drifts away.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve watched HBO\u2019s Game of Thrones<\/em>, House Tully does it for their deceased patriarch. George R.R. Martin\u2019s pretty creative, but he nicked just about everything in his series from history. No fantasy series would be complete without borrowing this enduring trope\u2014even if it only dates back to the 1958 film The Vikings<\/em>, which was the first time flaming arrows were mixed in for cinematic flavor.<\/span>1<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, it\u2019s a fascinating spectacle and yeah \u2014 boats and fires were indeed important themes in Norse funerals. But there\u2019s only one thing that all Norse burials had in common: they were all characteristically unique\u2014like snowflakes, but with way more dead things.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

First Things First: Why So Much Variation in Norse Burials and Viking Funerals?<\/h3>\n

That\u2019s a great rhetorical question: death could come quickly in the Dark Ages, especially if you were part of a tribal culture with a strong emphasis on violence. So, if death was a regular part of everyday life, why make each burial a macabre art project? Why not just bury them in a hole, then put a rock on top with their name on it?<\/p>\n

Today, most burial customs are codified\u2014there\u2019s a certain way to do things, depending on the tradition you follow, and most folks stick with the guidelines. We do burials the way we do them because we\u2019re following the way they\u2019ve been done before. It\u2019s one less thing for the bereaved to think about while they\u2019re dealing with the ultimate in real-life sh*t.<\/p>\n

Not so for the Norse, Vikings, or Viking-Age Scandinavians\u2014whatever you prefer calling the Germanic people that dwelled in Norway, Sweden, Denmark, and parts of the British Isles between 793 and 1066 CE. If I may compare Norse burials to modern \u201cshop local\u201d trends, the Norse people were into artisanal, bespoke graves that fit the individual being buried.<\/p>\n

What makes these burials so fascinating is that each appears to tell a story, according to archaeologist Neil Price. Norse burials were tableaus\u2014more like twisted fictional crime scenes from shows like True Detective<\/em> and Dexter <\/em>, where the killer is trying to send a message, and a lot less like something you\u2019d find near a church. It\u2019s too bad for us that we can only guess what most of these tableaus meant.<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m not making myself clear with the serial killer connection, then here\u2019s your explicit warning: these graves are like one part memorial and three parts homicide scene. This is one of those historical things where you need to stick your modern sensibilities of right and wrong on the shelf in an attempt to understand how folks from a very different time and culture handled death. Or you can judge them all the way through if you like\u2014I don\u2019t think they\u2019ll mind either way.<\/p>\n

With that out of the way, let\u2019s get into the grit! Here are a few things about Norse funerals that range from esoteric to plain ol\u2019 too f*cked up, even for HBO.<\/p>\n

Fact No. 1 About Norse Burials: Collateral Damage<\/h3>\n

While all Norse burials are unique, one common theme seems to be that you don\u2019t send a dead Norseman or woman off to Valhalla without killing something else to keep them company.<\/p>\n

One of the scariest things about facing the great unknown is that it\u2019s a solitary journey. So it must have been some kind of comfort for a relatively important Norseman to know that, when they died, they\u2019d be shuffling off this mortal coil through a grave crowded with friends, wives, slaves, pets, and livestock\u2014all dead, of course.<\/p>\n

And some of these graves were indeed crowded\u2014many times, bodies appear to have been jammed uncomfortably into graves a few sizes too small. It\u2019s tough to tell if this was meant as a sign of disrespect, or if it was a case of: \u201cYou know what? F*ck it\u2014this hole\u2019s big enough for Arvid. Just bend \u2018im in half.\u201d Digging big holes during winter sucks.<\/p>\n

One late ninth-century grave in particular reads like a bad joke: A man, two women, a baby, a horse, and a dog walked into an Old Norse grave. . . .<\/p>\n

They were all laid at different points in the longboat, and surrounded by weapons, shields, bowls, and other accessories.<\/p>\n

The kicker is that this boat was buried on top of another grave, so that the keel was aligned with the body of a man who had been buried several decades earlier. It was a grave within a grave\u2014a Matryoshka doll of mortality.<\/p>\n

Oh, and many of these bodies were mutilated. The horse? Dismembered. The dog? Its head rests in a basket on one dead woman\u2019s lap. There were dead birds, torn to pieces, and skewed about the boat for good measure (this was popular).<\/p>\n

Another example involves a woman buried in Birka, Sweden. She was, ahem, disassembled. Her head was removed from her body, and her lower jaw was removed from her head. In its place: a pig\u2019s lower jaw.<\/p>\n

What does it all mean? Sh*t, man. What doesn\u2019t it mean?<\/p>\n

Sometimes these grave companions would just be stuffed into a box that was laid at the feet of the primary dead person. Maybe it was the Valhalla version of stowing your little dog in a pet carrier by your feet during a flight. Except, instead of a little dog, it was a whole person in a box\u2014carry-on carrion, if you will (sorry).<\/p>\n

Fact No. 2 About Norse Burials: Sometimes They\u2019d Have to Disinter a Body in Order to Re-Kill or Re-Bury It<\/b><\/h3>\n

You know how it goes: sometimes you have to bury your neighbor, but you didn\u2019t like him so much, so you skimped on the ritual sacrifices and grave gifts. But now you\u2019re paying the price: he\u2019s back, but this time he\u2019s a draugr\u2014a vengeful revenant who\u2019s pissed about the poor send-off\u2014and he\u2019s getting back at you by, let\u2019s say, withering your harvest and giving you diarrhea.<\/p>\n

There were remedies for this. One may have been to give the burial a redo. That could mean digging up the departed to throw some more gifts in the grave, or it could mean driving a stake through the corpse or removing its head to make sure it\u2019s dead. These superstitions may have influenced broader European cultures, leading to Bram Stoker\u2019s vampire staking and George A. Romero\u2019s zombie decapitation.<\/p>\n

Even the weapons of the deceased could be \u201ckilled\u201d\u2014sword blades bent or broken, spear hafts smashed, etc. In Norse culture, the weapon was bound to the spirit, so breaking that weapon severed the spirit\u2019s last connection to the human realm. It also handily deterred grave robbers, who might otherwise have looted the expensive, buried weapons.<\/p>\n

This helps us to understand why the Norse people took burials so seriously: they were driven by fear. Elaborate burials and related sacrifices seem like a waste of effort, resources, livestock, and people\u2014unless you consider that not going the extra mile could lead to bad fortune via zombie vengeance down the road.<\/span>2<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Fact No. 3 About Norse Burials: Dead Bodies Weren\u2019t Inactive<\/h3>\n

Turning into a draugr doesn\u2019t appear to have been the only time dead Norsemen got busy.<\/p>\n

Dead bodies don\u2019t appear to have been treated as inactive or inert objects. We can see this in the use of temporary graves.<\/p>\n

For important dead folks, funeral planning and execution could last 10 days or more. Meanwhile, that body needed to go somewhere. Since they didn\u2019t have a morgue, they would simply place the deceased in a temporary grave.<\/p>\n

The temporary grave wasn\u2019t just a storage unit. Instead, it was more like the corpse\u2019s green room. The living would fill it with items from the dead fella\u2019s rider: things like food, alcohol, musical instruments, 1,000 brown M&Ms\u2014whatever he liked. These were items meant to help the deceased pass the time while they waited for their big appearance at the funeral.<\/p>\n

Items in their final graves also suggest that bodies had an active need for various accouterments in the afterlife. Designer outfits, massive drinking horns, bowls, and weapons were all needed for the nonstop party\/fight to come in Valhalla.<\/span>3<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Fact No. 4 About Norse Burials: Downward-Spiral Drinking, the Whole Time<\/h3>\n

Grave goods give us a good idea of which accessories were considered important in Old Norse culture. So, when you see loads of drinking horns, glasses, and even a 300-pint drinking bucket found with traces of mead present, you get the idea that binge drinking was big for the Norse.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the right idea. Professor Neil Price\u2014whose 2012 lecture on Viking Age burials serves as the primary source for this article\u2014notes one particular funeral observed by Ahmad Ibn Fadlan on the Volga River in 922 that featured some heavy binge drinking:<\/p>\n

\u201cA lot of people have interpreted [Ibn Fadlan\u2019s] description as a party. . . . And it\u2019s not like that. His description . . . is actually rather uncomfortable. People are drinking and drinking and drinking for 10 days. He says sometimes people die from drinking at these funerals. This is not about enjoying yourself. These are people getting into a distinctly different frame of mind.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So, rather than imagining a bunch of hard-partying Vikings playing mead-pong, think of it like an episode of that Intervention<\/em> show, but if a whole town needed help and nobody intervened.<\/p>\n

This information provides us with important context clues in regard to what the hell these people were doing with their wild burials. Namely: by the time they actually put things in the grave, all of these people may have been several days into a nonstop alcohol bender.<\/p>\n

It begs the question: did the Viking funeral parties even know what they were doing? Did replacing a dead woman\u2019s jaw with a pig\u2019s mean something profound, or was it the 9th-century equivalent of drawing on someone\u2019s face with a Sharpie?<\/p>\n

Could they even remember the burials, let alone explain what they meant? Even Ibn Fadlan, who witnessed a chieftain\u2019s burial first hand, admits he could not discern what was going on. Anyone who\u2019s been the designated driver at a rager could probably relate to Fadlan here.<\/span>4<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Fact No. 5 About Norse Burials: If You Were the One Setting a Burial Ship on Fire, You Had to Watch Your Ass<\/h3>\n

While many Viking burials didn\u2019t use ships\u2014instead preferring holes in the ground, boxes, wooden tents, barrows, traditional pyres, etc.\u2014some did!<\/p>\n

That funeral Ibn Fadlan witnessed on the Volga was one such ship burial. After days of binge drinking, ritualistic sex, violence, and human and animal sacrifices, it was finally time to set the chieftain and his burial ship\u2014replete with expensive gifts and other dead bodies\u2014ablaze.<\/p>\n

The dead Norseman\u2019s closest male relative approached the boat very carefully. He walked backward, stark naked, with his face turned to make sure all of his body\u2019s orifices were facing away from the boat.<\/p>\n

Now, you\u2019ll do well to note that the human body does not have all of its orifices on the same side. So, the naked, fire-starting relative covered his anus with his hand as he backed himself toward the ship. Only after he lit the pyre with his torch was it safe for others to approach and throw their own torches.<\/p>\n

We can empathize with Ibn Fadlan\u2019s general confusion about all of this. What was this man afraid of? Was he afraid of being burnt, due to his nakedness and the fact that he\u2019d been pickling himself with alcohol for the last 10 days or so?<\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t seem to be it: the naked man is only cautious before the great bonfire is lit, and seems only concerned with his body holes. And, given all the sacrificing and binge-drinking deaths that likely occurred in the lead-up, I\u2019m not so sure these folks were too worried about physical safety.<\/p>\n

As Neil Price points out, it appears that the man was afraid of something incorporeal leaving the burial ship and entering his body through the sour end of his gastrointestinal tract. Fascinating.<\/p>\n

That, or the guy suffered from IBS\u2014mead-hammered or not, he was under a lot of pressure.<\/span>5<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Welp, That Seems Like a Good Place to Stop Talking About Viking Burials<\/h3>\n

Honestly, this stuff is just the tip of a very grim iceberg. Women and animals in particular were sacrificed in terrifically inhumane ways to ensure that important people made it to Valhalla fully stocked with whatever or whoever they might need in the afterlife. If you do want to learn more about these terrible things that actually happened, check out Neil Price\u2019s full lecture, \u201cLife and Afterlife: Dealing with the Dead in the Viking Age.\u201d<\/span>6<\/sup><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Suffice to say, Old Norse burial customs have not aged well. From an archaeological point of view, they are absolutely fascinating, but they predate modern notions of the value of human or animal life.<\/p>\n

The grave sites do help put Norse views of death into focus. It\u2019s relatively common knowledge that the Norse cared a lot about death and really cared about dying well. You know the trope: Vikings liked to die with a weapon in hand. But it appears the process of dying didn\u2019t end there. Rather, it continued on for days after biological death and called for a smorgasbord of accessories, depending on who you were.<\/p>\n

Perhaps most fascinatingly, these burials\u2014and pre-burials, and corpse re-killing\u2014suggest that the Norse didn\u2019t perceive life and death as binary, opposite, and entirely separate states of being. Even the dead needed something to do, lest they rise from their graves or, even worse, fly up your ass and haunt your guts.<\/p>\n

Anyway, the next time someone tells you they want a \u201cViking funeral,\u201d let them know that no, they just think they do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If it doesn’t have cryptic death dioramas, brutal sacrifices, and alcohol poisoning, it ain’t a Viking funeral.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":19801,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[333,274],"tags":[],"acf":{"show_faq":false,"faq_title":"","faq_description":"","faq_list_item":null},"yoast_head":"\nFive Things About Norse Burials that Aren\u2019t Pop-Culture Friendly<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If it doesn't have cryptic death dioramas, brutal sacrifices, and alcohol poisoning, it ain't a Viking funeral. 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